Today I want to share a journal of myself from this past year. 2016 seemed to be a year that really challenged myself as an artist. I had shot weddings for about 5 years and business was sky rocketing. But as time progressed, insecurities and doubt never felt so real. As this new year approaches I want everyone to know it is ok express our weaknesses. I feel as if they make us able to connect with others and feel better because we are not alone. This journal took me a while to write, and I’m slightly hesitant to express my hardship, but it feels good and encouraging for me at the same time. I hope you can find peace as you read along.
Learning to be content with what we have seems necessary, but when we find ourselves comparing things or places that are not ours – or other styles and ideas created (which happens on a daily basis), It’s hard not to feel less than, or not good enough.
This summer I found myself in a hard – probably the most challenging times in my career. I was really frustrated and not content with my work. I felt overwhelmed, not good enough and completely lost with what my personal style was. I am an artist, but finding my own original ideas has been one of the most complex parts of my job. Caring what others think was probably the second most challenging part – but in all my traits of personality, caring what others think has been my biggest weakness. Ultimately, God is the one we are trying to please, correct? But finding that road to contentment, & peace to be happy with what I am as an artist was a struggle. How do I create without comparing? How do I like my own if so many are better?
Once the cold emerged and snow covered the ground, I was about to give up. Give up on the art I have always been deeply in love with. God gave me a gift but I wasn’t sure if it was the right road. I felt disconnected with myself, for my mind and ideas were not the same. I was tired and ultimately sick of never liking my own work.
Then, a good friend gave me a call that I knew was something I needed to hear. She basically said four simple words that couldn’t have been more helpful at the time. She said: “Do not give up.” Sounds simple correct? Well at the time, I had difficulties sharing what was truly going on…so those exact words were the most encouraging & simple words I needed to hear. Basically, she believed in me when I couldn’t believe in myself.
Life is challenging, especially when we over think we are destined for one thing. Jobs are the most challenging parts of adulthood, and knowing what is best for you, your spouse and future is even more difficult. Worrying is not what the Lord wants, but rather something he wants us to bring onto him. Although I still struggle knowing He wants to help me more than anything, there’s nothing more beautiful than knowing He cares so much that he sends his own children to help us get through our battles. I am driven to learn more about God, and share His beauty to others through my own weaknesses. I also believe my eye for photography is something much than visual representations. But rather a bond I am able to create with others and share his Grace on wedding days.
I am so proud of all the couples that chose to be married. Marriage is a covenant & a choice. I’m such a big fan of love that I hope it shows to every person I meet throughout my career. God, love and marriage are so good they bring the best of us to life.
Shown below are two images that moved me to write today. It’s been snowing all morning and all I feel is much peace with how beautiful nature is.